PARENT AND TEENAGERS CONFLICT
Conflict? Hiii… that’s sound terrible. Imagined terrible thing from 2 people that argue each other maintaining that the one is “true” is “theirs”. Scary because sometimes a conflict will end with one of them will feel hurted, not just because they feel disappointed but their physic could get hurt too if the conflict going uncontrolled.
Without us realizing almost everyday we could get a conflict with anyone. This time I’ll invite you to studying conflict that frequently happen between we as parents with our teenager children.
Isn’t it sad when we have conflict with our child?
For example, some trivial things like tidy up their bed. If we ask the without use a scream they wont lazy to do it, eventho we do it everyday, day by day, year by year we never forget to remembering them. If they not do it even just once, we’ll get angry, don’t we?
Why parents and teenagers conflict happen? What’s the cause? How if the conflict get complicated and go on and on?
Early teen period is when parents and teenagers conflict will get increase more than their conflict when they were a child. Puberty changes, cognitive changes, then the increasing of idealism and logical reasoning, social changes that centered on freedom and identity, not reached hope, and physic changes, parent’s cognitive and social due to their old age.
Eventho conflict with parents increase in early teen period, but mostly this conflict just involve daily activity in family, like tidy up a bed, dress well, back to home at certain hours, don’t take too long talking with phone, etc. (Santrock. 2003). Mostly conflict happens with mother, especially mother with daughter.
Although there are so much conflict happen because daily activity, still, teens and parents that get into the same conflict again never have a deal and that’s will make home feels like jail. Parents maybe could against their children because physically children are smaller than them. But in teen’s period increase in size and power could effect an ignorance or confrontation toward parent’s dictation.
When your child is lazy tidy up their bed, parents could say, “You’re grow up, you should know what you have to do without I’m asking you to do that.” But when a child feel love toward they opposite gender friend, knowing they often do some long call with their special friend, parents will say, “You’re still child, all you have to do is studying not dating.” that kind of two parents’s questions could make teenagers think that they parents not care about them.
Strategy to reduce parents and teenagers conflict
The best way to reduce parents and teenagers conflict is solving a problem together with the purpose that the answer will satisfy the both sides. this approach will goes well if parent and teenager focus on the case, when discussion restricted on just one problem, and teenagers were agreed to solve the problem together before.
The approach to solve a problem together is consists of 6 basic stage;
1) Set the conflict resolution basic rules. these rules basically are rules being honestly. theboth sides are agreed to respect each other, there are no blasphemous, abusive, demeaning others, like; give an attention to others opinion. When discussion, parents could give a positive note with saying the willing to be fair.
2) Try to understand each other. This means parents and teenangers, both of them get the chance to say what they want to say and how they’re feeling about the problem. In discussion it’s so important to keep focus on the topic not on the personality.
3) Try to do brainstorming. parents and teenagers look for many ways out to get out from the problem. at this point, don’t ever rejected any ideas because it’s too crazy, too expensive, or too stupid. set a time limit, like 5 or 10 minutes and produce conflict resolution as many as you can.
4) Try to reach a deal toward one solution or more. parents and teenangers chose a choice that they like the most. every choice shouldn’t being discussed because will generate debate that goes on and on, and sometimes not produce anything. in this stage parents and teenagers can look where are the way of their interests. Some will pull and push, some will do negotiation that will be needed in this stage. both parents and teenagers should not be agreed with thing that they can’t accept.
5) Notes the agreement. Maybe it seems too formal but this stage is must to do, because sometimes people can forget about it. if someday parents or teenagers violate the agreement, the notes can be the proof.
6) Set the time to talk how it goes to check the progress. If parents or teenagers aren’t following the rules, or if the agreed solution isn’t going as well, the problem should be reviewed agaiN.